Was thinking about myself today.. something considered meaningful lols..
I realised that I have changed.... for better or worst i cant judge. but i am no longer the chungying who seemed to speak whatever that cross her mind.. i've realised that i am very conscious and paranoid.. and i am afraid.. i am afraid that i distrust ppl.. i am afraid i detach myself from ppl.. i am afraid that i will not attach myself emotionally to anyone, even my close ones, because i've learnt one thing: to protect myself and not to let anyone to hurt me.
i asked myself.. am I over doing this? and in the end, i might hurt ppl around me, and set a barrier that was nv there, and make this a psychological baggage with much self induced pain.. is there really such a need to wear this nonchalant mask? the mask to cover the scar?
and i thought about it again and againnn.. and i dun wanna be another him.. i dun wan to hurt people who love me.. i dun wanna wear a mask.. i dun wan to be untrue to myself. I just need to be aware of things, observe and trust what i see, not what i hear.. i need to start to learn how to love and be loved (not being desperate here, love to be very general haha) and of course, be cheerful and happy.
