Friday, September 05, 2008
and seriously, my precious writing is out of place~~ something wrong with the format or the blog skin! haha.. i need ur help corrine! lols.. well anyways....
I am happy after talking to someone today! she's my very close friend in secondary sch and jc, though not close during jc times.. I should say hostile, which to think back, feel regretful.
she's very special to me, because she had been there for me when I have little friends and become the outcast in my class.. not because i am weird or i have horrible classmates.. is just that my classmates dont agree my doings for ponning school very frequently.. and with little intereactions with them, i am quite alone with my studies.. and she's another one who loves to skip sch with me, and since then, we became very close friends.. we talked about everything.. we go tuition together, we study together, we have stay overs..
we head to the same jc, and the next class. supposed to be very close and fortunate to have her with me in jc.. but somehow, we became hostile... probably i had my grp of friends in jc, she had hers. I had my opinion that's not her way of doing.. and i regret for being narrow-minded, not accepting her as my friend.. and friendship could be so superficial and fragile, that it's too fast to be realised.
i feel sorry, sorry to have let go such a true friend.. and after 2 yrs.. i initiate to talk to her.. though things are not the same anymore, the closeness is gone, but honestly, the familiar feeling is back..
it's fate that allow me to have known her, regretfully not treasured, I would thank her for being my friend, someone so true to me!
ohhhhh.. sounds so childish and mushy~~ haha. pardon me!
12:24 AM
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Was thinking about myself today.. something considered meaningful lols..
I realised that I have changed.... for better or worst i cant judge. but i am no longer the chungying who seemed to speak whatever that cross her mind.. i've realised that i am very conscious and paranoid.. and i am afraid.. i am afraid that i distrust ppl.. i am afraid i detach myself from ppl.. i am afraid that i will not attach myself emotionally to anyone, even my close ones, because i've learnt one thing: to protect myself and not to let anyone to hurt me.
i asked myself.. am I over doing this? and in the end, i might hurt ppl around me, and set a barrier that was nv there, and make this a psychological baggage with much self induced pain.. is there really such a need to wear this nonchalant mask? the mask to cover the scar?
and i thought about it again and againnn.. and i dun wanna be another him.. i dun wan to hurt people who love me.. i dun wanna wear a mask.. i dun wan to be untrue to myself. I just need to be aware of things, observe and trust what i see, not what i hear.. i need to start to learn how to love and be loved (not being desperate here, love to be very general haha) and of course, be cheerful and happy.
emo today~~
8:41 PM
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
I have an expanded stomach coz i've been eating alot alot alot more food recently! hahaha!!
my daily routine ---- i will have breakfast with my mummy and den walk around for an hr or so to the wet market. go home rest a while and have lunch. rest a while more and wait for dinner. watch tv at night............ and that's for the day!LOLS seems very primary sch composition writing!! hahaha. coz of the english and the simple things that i do! heh.. well, this is a good way to relax before i get to start sch and work hard! =)
so now i am in a very relaxed mode while blogging~~
i wonder how busy are you guys out there...
i feel for you, i feel with you... so pls be happy!! =pp dedicate to my special someone =))))))
1:31 PM
booooo~~
michele asked me to write anything on my blog for her to read! anything anything anything anything anything anything anythinganything anything anythinganything anything anythinganythinganythinganythinganythinganythinganythinganythinganythinganythinganything anythinganythinganythinganythinganything.
haha! bleahx just being very irritating and stupid as usual!
to update, I have changed my interest!! in fact i realised that I hate to fix puzzle after trying to fix it.. hahaha. i rather slp, eat, do nothing den to touch the puzzle! oh noo.. so sad, the puzzle has lost its value, and of course, I WASTED MY MONEY! lolss
well, schools gonna start pretty sooonn~~ another 15 days? wow! after relaxing for 3 months, gonna gear up and start sch =) happpy somehow.. =p
and dunno why.. sometimes i feel relieved and happyy.. seems like a bird release from a cage, flew to somewhere full of danger and traps, and luckily escaped to a peaceful garden and think ' what doesnt kill me will just make me stronger!' and indeed =)
and elder sis went back to U.S ytd~~ after 3 weeks of holidays! hahaha. this 3 weeks was shop shop shop.. till dun wanna shop PLS! lolss.. once a yr, very reasonable!
sis and me!
1:37 AM
